Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Memorandum to God (Part One)

MEMORANDUM

DATE: ∞

TO: God

FROM: Teleprompter

SUBJECT: Doubt

I hope you are well, whoever or wherever you may be. My friends and family have urged me to contact you over some pressing issues I have encountered. I hope that I am not wasting your time. Here are some of my questions for you:

1. "Your followers call you the judge of the world. You are expected to love justice and fair play. You’re expected to loath all ill treatment of one person by another. A corrupt judge who has no interest in seeing right triumph over wrong is, by biblical standards, a monstrosity.

Moreover, a judge who is found to be living a double life–one condemning criminals and one condoning his own crimes–deserves no such respect, honor or admiration."

- paraphrased from statements made by Demian Farnworth, Christian apologist

So why do you allow so much injustice in your name? Why have you allowed your followers to mistreat women, gays and minorities? Why do you allow wholesale slaughter of tribes with differing theological views?

Why do you condemn those who murder in the Ten Commandments yet simultaneously order the genocide of thousands at Sihon (Deuteronomy 2:34), Bashan (Deuteronomy 3:3), Jericho (Joshua 6:21), Ai (Joshua 8:2), Libnah (Joshua 10:30), Lachish (Joshua 10:32), Eglon (Joshua 10:35), Hebron (Joshua 10:37), Debir (Joshua 10:39), the Negev (Joshua 10:40), and the northern royal cities (Joshua 11:14)? Why did you allow the destruction of the Anakites (Joshua 11:21-22)? Why did you order the total decimation of the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizites, Hivites, and Jebusites (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)?

Why did you harden the hearts of the kings of some of these cities so that you could wage war against them so that your followers “might destroy them totally, exterminating them without mercy” according to your commands (Joshua 11:21)?

(NOTE: this project is an ongoing series; I will devote each installment to a new question; once again, thanks for your participation!)

(SECOND NOTE: part of the opening section to this essay is a paraphrase of commentary written by Demian Farnworth on his blog Fallen and Flawed; you can read the essay in which his statements originally appeared here. The paraphrase was borrowed for rhetorical comparison.)

12 comments:

phrankygee said...

Point two over at Farnsworth's page was that the judge (God) is associated with what is Good and Right.

But as we learn from the story of Abraham, this is a tautology based on circular reasoning.

Killing your son is evil, yet God "judged" Abraham to be good, because he was willing to do just that. Doing (or intending to do) what seems to us to be evil, becomes a good thing to do, IF it is God's idea.

It's enough to make your brain hurt.

Gideon said...

TO: Moron
FROM: God
SUBJECT: Reply To Idiotic Memo

Yo, Telepuke... whenever I try to get through that thick skull of yours, by way of my faithful witnesses, you laugh and ridicule me. So, why should I bother with your sorry ass at all?

I said I'd fix the sin problem, and I am, and will. You're just too fucking impatient/stupid, that's all. There is a manner of procedure for this, outlined in scripture, which, you never read, so no wonder you're an intellectual slug where theology is concerned.

I allow injustices to occur as an educational tool, to show ignoramuses like you how futile their little lives are without Me. Yet, you persist in your sinning... well, you're only prolonging the agony, fool!

And, in my INFINITE wisdom, I saw that the Sodomites, Philistines, and all those other blaspheming, murdering, torturing, child-sacrificing bastards, were beyond redemption, so I executed them by the hand of My chosen people. All My people wanted was safe passage through their territory, but, no, that wasn't good enough for your heroes/role models! They wanted to exterminate them... thereby erasing any knowledge of Me from human history!

Well, shit-for-brains, that ain't-a-gonna happen! Better infidels than you have tried, and failed.

Oh, and I'm looking forward to any further spew you have on this subject... oughta be good for some more laughs!

Gideon said...

"It's enough to make your brain hurt."

Better stick with Atheism, then, Crankygeek... it's a religion for the simple-minded!

Teleprompter said...

Gideon,

Never read scripture? On the contrary, I HAVE read the scripture, and I find it to be entirely implausible.

The only reason I laugh and ridicule YOU is because you have no humility and you're arrogant and you think that you know EVERYTHING. I'm not laughing at your beliefs per say; I'm laughing at your attitude and your ignorance about how to convey those beliefs. If I were a Christian, and there was an atheist who knew as little about EVERYTHING as you do, I would laugh at him or her every bit as much as I laugh at you!

You say that your god allows injustices to occur as an educational tool, that it allows people to realize how futile their lives are without your god.

Tell that to Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Steve Wozniak, Ted Williams, or Katharine Hepburn. Tell that to Japan, Scandinavia, or western Europe. These are some of the most successful people in the world - some of the places which have the highest living standards in the world. How futile are their lives now?

Tell that to every single civilization which has either proceeded the Judeo-Christian one, or followed it. Tell that to the Greeks, the Romans, the Chinese, the Mayans. Tell that to the Incas, the Persians, and the Egyptians.

The god you've imagined acts like Al Capone.

He can do whatever he wants just to show who's boss.

They say that the god people worship tells you what kind of moral character they've got.

The version of god you espouse is rude and arrogant and nasty.

Do you want me to go to your level? I'm satisfied where I am.

If being a Christian will make me become like you, I think I'll stay well away.

Gideon said...

"If being a Christian will make me become like you, I think I'll stay well away."

*Clapping*

*Whistling*

Great speech, there, Telephoto! And, you finished it off in the classic infidel way... with a veiled threat that infidels the world over, and, throughout time, have used to try and silence Christians and/or try to shame them into silence.

Son... that doesn't work with me!

You want to be a little pussy, and opt out of the truth, that's your business. But, don't even think that just because YOU don't know anything, or even WANT to know anything, doesn't mean that I don't, okay?

There is this thing going around where people under conviction use the tired old ploy of accusing their teacher of being a know-it-all, in an effort to not only get rid of their perceived persecutor, but, also, to excuse their own willful ignorance. You just confirmed that you're no better than the rest, boy!

The so-called success stories you mentioned... well, that's just fine and dandy for them... NOW... in this world. However, the Christian faith places special emphasis on the NEW world to come, after the destruction of this one. Now, you tell me what good those earthly riches will do for those success-stories, when their entire world collapses around them, and they stand before a God they largely ignored/despised, whatever?

Do you think Bill Gates' billions will buy him a place in eternity? Do you think any of them will impress the Creator of everything there is or ever was? Take all the time you need to answer this, Telephoner, I know you're wanting to get it right!

So, you're a former believer, eh? I guess I should be impressed, but, I'm more impressed with your gutlessness. Why did you depart from the faith, and puh-leeze, DON'T blame your vacillation on some other individual's actions, okay? That is just so passe, in the excuse department! If that's all it was, then you weren't very committed in the first place.

Actually, in my book, God COULD do whatever He wanted and still be righteous. However, knowing simpering little whiners like yourself look for any opportunity to weasel out of a commitment, He is constrained to play fair... unlike Satan, who will use any opportunity, any tactic, to ensure that you stay ensnared.

More...

Gideon said...

You made the ridiculous statement that those other heathen religions preceded Christianity. You don't know your theology, do you, Telepainter?

Who was the God of the Old Testament? The One Who created everything? It was CHRIST! (John 8:58) Christ, BEFORE His incarnation! Therefore, BEFORE there were any other pseudo-religions like Buddhism, et al, there was the religion of Christ, Who existed before ANYTHING! I keep hearing that same stupid accusation devoid of fact... it gets so boring! Your beloved heathen religions are NEWCOMERS next to Christianity, BOZO! Didn't they teach you that in Sunday School, or were you studying political-correctness?

And, in case you haven't noticed, your supposed "ridicule" doesn't faze me, sonny, because, I've gone toe-to-toe with the WORST of them, here; AND the real world, and you don't even come close to what they could and can dish out!

I tried the civil route when I first appeared on these blogs, but, soon found them to be like all the rest. What's more, as soon as they started getting back what they love dishing out, they all went crying to mommy, complaining that Big Bad Gideon was being a bad Christian! Like they'd even know, much less care, what constituted bad or good Christian deportment!

Assuming that you're not lying about your past, I'll tell you that your kind are the worst. Those that once believed and then turned away, have always been the most ardent opposition against God and His people. They always have some axe to grind, and they like to do it on the backs of those that try to help them.

You can say and do whatever you want, you're not going to hurt my feelings. I can walk away, anytime, secure in the knowledge I have a Redeemer that will look after my interests. You, on the other hand, are not in a very enviable position, given what you've voluntarily given up in exchange for lies and plain idiocy!

Slapping God in the face isn't the brightest thing one can do, and, turning your back on His Son's sacrifice in your stead is tantamount to doing just that.

I hope for your sake that you've thought this over... very carefully!

Teleprompter said...

Gideon,

"You want to be a little pussy, and opt out of the truth, that's your business. But, don't even think that just because YOU don't know anything, or even WANT to know anything, doesn't mean that I don't, okay?"

Never in my life have I witnessed a larger act of projection.

By the way, I didn't mention those names just because they are rich.

Did you know that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are two of the largest PHILANTHROPISTS in the world? They are giving away billions of their own money to charity, targeting it to try and solve many of the world's most pressing problems.

I highlighted them because of their VIRTUE.

You know next to nothing, and you are not prepared to argue with me.

"You made the ridiculous statement that those other heathen religions preceded Christianity. You don't know your theology, do you, Telepainter?"

No, Gideon, I do know my theology...and I know my history.

And the history directly CONTRADICTS your theology!

The archaeological evidence is clear: many other religions proceeded Judaism and Christianity.

Hinduism is the world's oldest religion. Deal with it.

It doesn't matter what your Bible says if there is evidence that it's true.

Gideon, it's not about who can dish it out the most, it's about what the facts are and what the evidence says. You are brutally unprepared in that aspect.

Where is the evidence for your beliefs? What supports or confirms them?

You can stay or you can leave. You can keep shouting your lies and plain idiocy while calling me both a liar and an idiot.

You really think you have the facts on your side? Dig deeper.

I have thought this over more carefully than you have.

Gideon said...

You haven't thought anything over, Telekinesis. Your knowledge of history blows. Hinduism, my ass! There weren't any fucking Hindus in the Garden of Eden, shithead, but, Christ, the CREATOR (check that vast storehouse of theological training of yours, again, moron!) WAS!

The religion of the FIRST humans was Christianity, numbnuts. I don't give a flying fuck what you think of the Bible, it's RIGHT ON, and you're DEAD WRONG!

I took history in school just like all of you humanist dorks, and they are STILL revising it. Guess what? The Bible doesn't change! God doesn't change! Man DOES change, and quite regularly at that!

I've seen things in this life that science can't explain. I wish your mocking ass would have been in a certain hospital room, where a young man possessed by beings that you say don't exist used him to throw six burly orderlies around the room like rag dolls, and that was after he broke the restraining straps (that I would have a hard time cutting with my Buck knife!) on the gurney!

Oh, and did I mention that while he was doing all of this, he was speaking in several foreign languages that he never learned on his own?

What's your explanation for that, bright boy? You gonna cop out and call me a liar, like so many of your worthless crowd? I know what I saw!

And, you haven't seen ANYTHING... yet!

Gideon said...

You self-important gits are all so damned smug in your science and your philosophy. You think we should all go weak at the knees over your thoroughly-modern, chic theories of origins and evolution... well, how's about some conclusive proof that YOUR ideas about the origin of matter are right? Oh... that's right... you don't have any! LOL!

You're an infant playing with a loaded gun, Telescoper. Better let an adult take over before you blow something off that you probably don't have a need for, anyway.

Teleprompter said...

Yeah, your ideas are so good Gideon that your website is now invitation-only. Give me a break.

You can't take criticism because you can't deal with the evidence.

Gideon said...

I was working on it, fool. It's back on.

And, you still haven't proved anything that you or anyone couldn't have made up.

So, there we are.

Gideon said...

At least I have the balls to go onto enemy territory and engage infidels, where you pussies all huddle together, here, and on other infidel blogs and poke fun at Christians from the safety of your little group! Talk about not being able to deal with anything!

Yeah... we both know about you, don't we?